Ever learning, and the strength of women.

As I attend more and more births I learn from every single one.  I am often bewildered in the experience.  I am baffled sometimes at what happens.

 

I have so many thoughts in my mind right now about we as women and our current state of being.  Are we stronger now than we were 100 years ago?  Many would say ‘yes!” I am not so sure. Can we naturally birth our babies like women could 100 years ago?  Honestly, I would have to say no.   I believe many things have contributed to this. In years past women would pass on their stories of birth to their daughters and grand daughters and nieces and friends.   Today so few women have natural birth stories to share that it is getting so hard to find them.  This has really affected the outcomes of so many women.  I really think that some women are not prepared for the hard work of birth.  This is due in part to the lack of sharing of times past.  Also this sharing is a symptom of our larger issue of lack of true family and community, however this is another huge topic not to be delved into now.

 

Those of us who have done this hard work of natural birth need to share these experiences with others who share that they would like to have one.   Please do not try and scare them out of this choice! Rather gently let them know that it IS work but oh so worth it!  We DO have the strength to accomplish this hard work.  However, we have to be in touch with this reality that it is work, it is not called labor because it is easy.

 

I have witnessed first time moms who have fallen for propaganda that birth will not hurt.  What we need to be telling them is that it will be intense and it will be work but we CAN do it.  If we tell them it will not hurt we are setting them up for failure.  I also hear a lot of women saying they cannot get on top of the pain.  FORGET that!  Birth is so intense and awesome it will overcome you!  What you need to do is learn how you will ride the waves.  You will not have a good outcome if you try to stay on top of it.  You honestly have to just let go, you are not in control when you are in labor, in a sense I mean.  We want you in control meaning you make choices, but as far as controlling the sensations, you will not have control of that.  What has worked for me and other women who PREPARE  is to practice serious relaxation and control of our thoughts when the waves come.  You need to find a way in which you can simply relax all of your body and focus your mind on staying calm and allow what needs to happen in your body happen.  This is not easy, again it is work, this is why we call it LABOR.

 

A huge part of why I do this work is to communicate this truth with women.  It does not serve you at all if we never address this issue.  I have seen the fact that the lack of addressing this leads to women not able to birth their own child.  This is so sad. Yes, we do have the option to simply get a c-section because we are not prepared for the job we have, however that then opens us to a whole other set of complications and things we will have to work through later.  How about we do the preparation and work before hand.  This is what I vow to do for all my clients.  Lets work together to get you prepared for birth.

21 years and counting

So today my oldest son turns 21.  WOW, how time flew by.  It was the experience from his birth that made me realize  that hospitals don’t always have my best interest in mind when they force their policy on you.   When I went in thinking my water was leaking they confirmed it was and said that I needed induction.  After 24 hours and not progressing past 6 centimeters they scared me into a c-section.   They literally threatened me saying that if we did not consent to an operation that my baby would surely die and I may as well.  I was very lucky 4 years later when the same hospital encouraged me to VBAC.  I am thankful for that, however I am still angry for my lack of knowledge for my first 4 births.  That is no one’s fault but my own.  I was not enlightened to the fact that I had options until I was exposed to the writings of other woman who made different choices and therefore had different outcomes.

 

My desire now is to empower other women with the knowledge that they do have choices and there can be a better way!  Women do not have to be railroaded into the medical trappings of birth and all that entails.  Homebirth is a valid option and should be considered.  With a well trained and balanced midwife birth is more safe at home, where you will be respected and honored.  Birth is a sacred event in which both mother and baby need respect, sadly this is not what happens most  of the time.   I want to offer this to every woman I encounter.  If this is simply by encouraging a nursing mom or dropping the hint that they can stand up to things the doctors try and push on them.  Women need to know they have a voice and they can demand it be heard.  Unfortunately, if you really want to have a say in what happens to you homebirth may be your only option.

 

The whole idea just frustrates me as women do have the power within themselves to give birth and nobody really tells them that anymore.  It deeply saddens me when I see so many give away the power they have because of convenience.  You do not realize what you are missing out on by doing this.  I say my goal is to empower women and this is done by educating then supporting by cheerleading you through the tough decisions.  I can truly come along side you in support as I have been down the road of birth myself 8 times.  I have been there, clueless to the fact that there is a different way.  I have also been there with other midwife women who empowered me to experience what is possible.   I have then gone back into the medical system and found that they really do not care about your experience but their policy still must control the situation.

 

This is why my passion to reach as many women as possible is so strong!  Someone needs to encourage you and it will be me if I get the opportunity!  My journey started 21 years ago today and I have learned so very much.  My passion grows stronger every day!