Crash and Burn


I debated whether or not I should even share this here but feel the need to do so as an explanation as to why my ‘break’ is longer than I had ever anticipated.   I have absolutely NO intention to let this or anything else keep me from achieving my goal of being a Certified Professional Midwife.  However, I also need to do what needs to be done right now or else I will not ever have the ability to take care of anyone else ever.  This is humbling for me.  It is good for me too.  It is just a little speed bump in the road of life! I promise I will be back to serve families through their pregnancy and birth before too much longer.


So back on Labor Day last year I crashed.  Not a vehicle crash but the effect on me has been pretty much the same.   My adrenals crashed.  I was at the point where my body simply refused to go any more.  I was pretty much bed ridden for a week.  That is not me! Even a fever of 103 does not keep me bed ridden!  I push on and always have, no matter how I feel.  I felt worse than I ever had and I have had some really nasty sicknesses!  I had been pushing my body way too hard for way too long.  You see my passion to work with all you beautiful mommas out there is so strong I was willing to do what ever it took to become a Certified Professional Midwife.  The sad thing is that I also must hold down a full time job to pay the bills while I am training.   Over the past few months I have been trying to sort out my health. As soon as I realized, on Labor Day, that I had a real health crisis going on I wanted to fix it.  I got on some adrenal support supplements and rested as much as I could off and on for the next month or so but did not really address the big stuff in my life that was draining me.  I continued on, feeling better, and it was not until I had another serious set back in the last month that I realized this is much bigger than I realize.  I am learning now that the brain fog, attention issues and overall unwell feelings on top of all the other very serious symptoms I was experiencing were signs of a very real and serious problem, but I just ignored them all until my body has forced me to deal with this head on.


Looking back this all started when I was a very little baby as I had serious health complications which required hard core pharmaceuticals. Then as a single teen mom I never learned to take care of myself.  Working my own way through school and life.  Not to mention all the other crazy things that I dealt over the years.  I have had severe asthma, which almost took my life in 2007, but the drugs I depend on to live have contributed to my current condition. When people ask what recharges me I’ve never had an answer, as doing anything for myself is just selfishness, there are many other people to care for!  I am having to relearn everything I knew about how to take care of myself.  Over the course of my life many times people would ask me how I do all I do, and I would be confused and think, “I’m just doing what needs to be done, I am not pushing myself.”  I often wondered why people did not do more than they did.  I literally never took a day to myself.  When I did have free time and I spend that 30 minutes on the internet or something I would scold myself for wasting time.  It all amounts to the way I have always done things is killing me, mainly my own mindset.  I have to learn to SLOW down.  Last year I was loving what I was doing in serving families but I was ignoring all the warning signs that I was hurting my own health.  As sad as I am about this I am realizing I have to get this under control before I can start midwifery work again. As I have to continue to hold down a full time job to pay the bills in the meantime I do not know how long it will be.  I pray it’s only a short few months or less.  The good thing is that I have implemented many changes in the last week and I am already feeling much better for it.


The good news is that I expect to be a much more healthier and vibrant woman after I do all the things I need to do to address this issue! I am determined to seriously address this issue as I have many more years of an amazing life to live!  I have MANY grand babies I need to meet and many children to marry off.  I am happy to address the issues I face because I always grow and change for the better with hardships that come my way.  I have faced so much in my life and this is just another thing to make me better in the long run.  I have a plan and it requires time and major life adjustments.


Adrenal fatigue may sound small but it is something that effects every single hormone and chemical regulation in our bodies.  When this is off it will bring everything else down.  The world we live in does not help.  If you are like me and have the ‘nothing will keep you down’ attitude, THAT will not help!  I have always had low body temp, 96.4, and apparently that is a sign that your body is not functioning well. I have always had low blood pressure, another sign.   About 14 years ago I developed hypoglycemia and have always been very sensitive to sugar, always having to be careful of what I ate or I would feel horrible.  This is yet another symptom that there was something else wrong deeper inside me.  When you go to a Dr they just band-aid the symptom, rarely are they looking for the deeper issues.  The one thing that throws Dr’s off with me is that I am not a really heavy woman.  I have extremely high metabolism so I have not put on the weight that most women do when they have these issues.


The sad part is that I likely have had this for quite some time and my midwifery work on top of my full time job and huge family and building a house just tipped me to the point of CRASHING.



Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *